Assisted Procrastination

(And some things I already knew, but thought I should share.)

1. Bugs apparently come in very defined cycles. Early spring brought mosquito hawks, followed by many varieties of bees, and now we’re into horseflies and grasshoppers.  Spiders have yet to subside.
2. I left a patch of milkweed alone on the side of the house in case we had monarch butterflies in the area. (I hear they’re nearing extinction levels and I don’t want to be part of that). DH spotted a cocoon on the deck railing yesterday and was able to confirm it’s a monarch.  I now feel reassured in keeping this weed.
3. We originally thought our farm was used for dairy cows which explained the thick, lush grass. I now think it was used as a military testing ground for methods of genetically manipulating and using radioactive technologies to expedite the growth of unknown weeds. So much for organic farming?
4. Our property is 10 acres and just under 1/5th of an acre of it has been designated as a fruit/vegetable garden. You’d think it would be easy to keep the weeds in check in this “small” area. You’d be wrong.
5. Weeds should not be taller than my head when mowing. Many are.
6. It’s easier to weed garden beds AFTER it’s rained.
7. Colorado Potato Beetles are gorgeous. And their guts are deep orange. (Don’t get sappy on me, they eat the potato plants!)
8. Parasitic wasps are cool. Even the lost one marching determinedly in wide circles in the garden while carrying a caterpillar 3 times its size. Since it refused to stop to ask for directions, I’m assuming it was male
9. While I know that the big, fat, terrified mouse was desperate for the cover of the tall grass I was trying to mow, his life will be greatly extended if he learns to run FROM the sound of the mower instead of TOWARD it. (Note to the squeamish – I saw no guts and think he made it to safety. This time.)
10. Professionals shower in the morning – before their day begins. Farmers shower at the end of the day and pray the mud and bugs don’t clog the drain. When I do both, the farmer side trumps. I also find myself scrubbing red dirt off my hands, arms, legs, shoes, walls, light switches, counter tops, and any other visible or invisible surface non-stop. I actually contemplated vacuuming outside the other day. Think the Dyson can handle it?
11. DH picked the first “harvest” of green beans Sunday. This was a full meal worth of beans that were bright, fully grown, and quite tasty. The scary news is that this was just barely the tip of the harvest yet to come. It’s a good thing because, so far with the mortgage and bills, these are proving to be the most expensive green beans I’ve ever bought.
12. Aside from being literally covered in grasshoppers, sweat, and red clay dust while mowing the tallest of weeds, I’m still loving this adventure. (Really, it’s just the part where I’m covered in grasshoppers that bothers me. It’s “horror movie creepy” feeling.)

I’ve occasionally walked through my house investigating some noise or other lone task and thought to myself “If this were a horror movie, what would I be yelling at the TV?” I have also been known to then proceeded to follow my own advice. I like to think it’s saved me more times than I’ll ever know.

Now if only the rest of the world would listen to my shouts of invaluable advice, maybe life would be just a little easier for some people. Other people just need to succumb to natural selection for the good of the gene pool.

Dear Elementary School & the Inept School Photographer,

I purchased your obligatory, over-priced school pictures of my child in the fall when you sent home the order form. When you sent me another order form in the spring, I laughed at you and said I wasn’t going to buy another set.

You may have noticed that I didn’t return that form, nor did I send my child to school decked out for pictures on that second picture day. If you look at the giant stack of pictures you took it upon yourself to print and send me automatically, you’ll see that they are atrocious and no parent would buy them. (I should note that my daughter photographs well, so how you got a picture that horrific raises some concerns.)

I have heard your requests for me to either return or purchase the hideous pictures and I politely say “No, thank you.” Just because you chose to take my child’s picture contrary to my request and print the most expensive package you offer does not mean you get unfettered access to my checkbook. I suggest reconsidering your practices for next year. While you insist that I am the first parent to have this issue, I find that hard to believe and will continue to stand up for those parents who didn’t opt for this battle. They were probably far too tired from fending off never-ending requests to purchase some other over-priced, lame memento of elementary school.

Chilly Regards,
The Kid’s Mom