Assisted Procrastination

I’ll say it again, if you have anything to do with the stocking of a public restroom, please take note. If you provide cheap products, I’ll use three times my usual amount just to ensure you see no benefit from your attempt to save money at the expense of my comfort.

This includes the 1-ply toilet “tissue” that disintegrates upon use, but not until I’ve had to spin the roll at least 3 full rotations just to find the end (sometimes the end must be teased with a backward/forward roll – I’m sure all you ladies can identify). And would it kill you for some functional perforations to help with the dispensing? No – that routine where I have to pull the paper to the side of the dispenser and try to “tear” a section doesn’t count. PERFORATE! I have no choice but to use more than my mother prescribed, if not I have to venture into a surgeon-approved scrub-in. Which brings me to the paper towels.  Assuming you haven’t packed them into the dispenser so tight that the only thing that can be extracted is a thumb-size piece of soggy paper, they could be used to sand wallpaper off the walls. I washed with soap – why do I now need to shred the skin off my hands? I guess I should be happy you’re not making me stand in your disgusting bathroom while your lukewarm hand dryer sneezes military-grade organisms at my hands until I give up, wipe on my jeans, and exit (with nothing to hold the door handle, I might add). Lucky me.

I realize you saved a bundle by going ultra-cheap. You also hope to save a little more by ensuring your patrons elect to save their skin by not using near as much paper product as they should. For these reasons, I fully support and encourage a boycott consisting of triple the usage. When you see how much you can save by gently wiping my “hide,” you’ll be pleasantly surprised and I’ll just be pleasant.