Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Never trust a hedgeog to hold your “dibs”

November 14, 2013

There’s a spot in our front entryway where the sun hits perfectly mid-morning. It’s coveted by everyone in the house, both feline and canine, so we laid down an old bed and blanket. The spot (“The Best Spot of the Morning”) is big enough for all 3 cats to lounge with no problem. Unfortunately, Twila has discovered the spot and a silent, passive-aggressive war is being waged (but only for a few hours every day).

As you see, Twila made it to The Best Spot of the Morning first on this particular day. For the next few hours, cats came and went, giving fierce stares.

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And the famed “cat back,” clearly conveying disapproval. (There may have also been a cat nap involved, but we won’t judge. Even the best of soldiers gets tired at some point.) Twila stood firm. Or, more accurately, lounged intently, while terrified, but comfortable in the morning sun she so proudly claimed.

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The battle had been fought and won that day. But, oh no, this would not be the end of the war. The next day, George made it to the coveted Best Spot of the Morning before Twila could claim her position. There was much pacing and obvious upset from the greyhound who finally decided she would try to take what was rightfully hers. Without upsetting the terrifying cat, of course. As cats often do, George just held her ground. And napped. Unfazed at having to share her space with the enemy (she’s old and uninterested in being bothered by such things).

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Days later, Twila has devised a plan! It’s a GREAT plan! THE BEST of plans to thwart those pesky cats and claim The Best Spot of the Morning once and for all! She called DIBS! And she did so in a way only a greyhound could. She enlisted her all-time favorite hedgehog to claim her place. Sure, his grunter doesn’t work anymore and he’s missing the toes on one of his feet from battles hard-faught, but he was up for this challenge. His greyhound needed him and he wasn’t going to let her down!

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Except, well, he’s a stuffed hedgehog, and he’s not even the jumbo one. That cat didn’t care one iota.

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Nor did the other cats, as you can see. All morning long, cats came and went to share The Best Spot of the Morning with a cute little hedgehog. Because, you see, there’s plenty of room to lounge when you’re a cat or a battle-worn hedgehog (a hedgehog who surely now understands the appeal of The Best Spot of the Morning). When you’re a sad, dejected greyhound who finally has to concede to another battle lost, the most you can do is collapse in the hallway, occasionally gazing sadly at The Best Spot of the Morning.

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Moms Tweet?

August 14, 2012

Please visit and enjoy. Though I definitely identify with a good number of them, I only wish I was as funny as these women.

Funniest Mom Tweets

I could eat a what??

December 24, 2011

Conversation with The Kid just moments ago:

The Kid:  Are we having anything special for dinner tomorrow night?
Me:  Yup – a spiral baked ham!
The Kid:  Isn’t that what we had last night when Grandma was here?
Me:  No, that was prime rib.
The Kid:  Wait – Isn’t that ham?
Me:  No – it’s beef.
The Kid: [confused look]
Me: It’s like having steaks only they aren’t cut into slices until AFTER it’s cooked.
The Kid:  Ohhh! I thought that was horse!
Me:  [stunned silence] . . . No.

(Just for the record, I’ve never eaten horse, considered eating horse, or considered feeding it to my family.)

Knee-Slapping Terror?

March 16, 2011

I can only imagine the terror in this house should there be a flu outbreak. In the meantime, that kid has quite an effective way of dealing with fear. (Kudos to DH for sharing.)

Now, can someone please give me some hand sanitizer?

Martha Won’t Be Joining Us

November 24, 2010

I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year and I’m totally stoked about it! Really, I am!  But just to be sure expectations aren’t set too high for my guests (and yours, if you’re also hosting), I suggest the following as mandatory reading for all guests prior to arrival (thanks to Six for sharing, again). It should help take some of the surprise out of the day and maybe even offer unsuspecting guests a glimpse into what’s actually required to pull off Thanksgiving.

Thank you all for stopping by. I hope your holiday is memorable – whether those memories are relaxing or fodder for cautionary tales to tell your kids years from now is up to you.  😀

Martha Won’t Be Joining Us

Spam Buffet

July 2, 2010

My FIL sent me an email this morning (as he’s been known to do). I don’t usually pass these types of emails along, but this one screamed my name and must be shared. I did some quick searching and can’t find its origin, otherwise I’d give mad props (yup – I said it) to the creator. I think that person might actually be the long lost twin I never had.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wear this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’ll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

30. My check engine light has been on for three months now and nothing’s happened. I’m starting to think that my car is just an attention whore.

31. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

32. My GPS says “Estimated Arrival Time.” I see “Time to Beat.”

33. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

34. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

35. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

36. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, “Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?”

Vacation Roller Coaster

January 25, 2010

Vacation Relaxation

Oh, so true. Thanks to DH for sharing.