Assisted Procrastination

Things I have learned (in no particular order):

• A yak is not a bird. Don’t know why I ever thought it was, but in my mind, it was big, dumb, and ugly like an ostrich or emu. This lesson came from a recent humorous debate between my husband and I – it turns out he’s right. They are closer to a cow than a bird. I can also say I’ve never actually seen one in real-life and I don’t consider it a loss. Don’t laugh at me — I know someone who didn’t know what a mole looked like for the longest time.

• This is what a marmot looks like (thank you to Wikipedia for knowing and having images of almost all things important). The “mole person” from above will now need to either determine what was in the yard or come up with another undefined animal name to call the mystery creature. I look forward to the discovery either way.

• Contrary to what I was taught in grade school, the buffalo may indeed have been driven TO extinction, but they are not ACTUALLY extinct. In fact, they are ugly and thriving in the mid-west as well as the Ted’s Montana Grill down the street (not so much thriving there). I learned this first-hand during a stint in Oklahoma. Longtime residents of the area were astounded and thought me insane to have believed these animals were extinct. I don’t think someone born, raised, and never having left the state has a basis for determining the sanity of others. With that said, I don’t necessarily doubt their questions about my sanity.

• Lastly for today, Allspice and Season All are NOT interchangeable in recipes. (This only relates to zoology if the intention is to feast upon the animal subject.)

To address the inevitable PETA flames, I offer the following disclaimer: To my knowledge, I have never eaten any of the animals mentioned on this page either with or without any type of seasoning. Happy Hunting!

Over dinner last night, my husband and I were discussing an acquaintance of his who recently became injured and is now medically prohibited from playing certain sports. The acquaintance has torn a muscle somewhere between his buttocks and calf. I can only imagine how such an injury might affect everyday life making certain common movements quite painful. This is not something I envy or would enjoy as a subject for ridicule. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for HOW he received this injury. You see, he did this while bowling.

Doctor’s have informed him that there is no medical way to fix this injury and he will instead have to refrain from bowling for several years later returning for another examination to determine if he will ever be able to return to the “sport.”

This got me to thinking. Considering I don’t believe bowling counts as an actual sport, I wonder about other narrowly qualifying “sports” and the appropriate level of embarrassment one should endure should they ever receive a life altering injury from playing said sport. My current list includes the following:

• Bowling
• Golf (this may cause backlash, but it is and activity and NOT a sport in my book)
• Ping-pong
• Shuffleboard
• Fishing
• Foosball
• Badminton
• Air Hockey (I’ll admit to innumerable personal injuries from this one – feel free to laugh, but know that I’ll beat you unmercifully should you attempt to play me)
• Tabletop football
• Any Wii game
• Competitive eating or any competition featured on the Food Network

I’m sure I’ve missed quite a few so I ask what you would like to see added to the list and do you also have an injury or scar to show for it? I promise to laugh only at the means by which you received the injury . . . And all while I go get the box of jungle animal tattoo band-aids you can use to cover the wound in the dignified manner it warrants.

Part of my daily commute includes a stretch of road which is being expanded to accommodate the growing population. Today on this road, I noticed one house in particular that has been marked with “DEMO” in bright spray paint, indicating its impending destruction. This is not really a surprising site as the house appears older, not large or ornate, and mostly out of place (it even included a make-shift cable extending through the air from the nearest electric pole and connecting directly to the outside of the house). Like I said, this house was prime for demolition when it came time to expand the road.

Sadly, the one thing about this demolition that bothers me is the likely demolition of the tulips beginning to sprout along the front length of the house. Their leaves are thick and standing tall. Someone probably worked hard to plant the large number of bulbs and sadly, won’t be there to see them bloom this year.

Tulips have such a small window in the spring and can be so fickle. I wonder, if I had been the one moving, would I have dug up the bulbs to take with me knowing that there would be no new residents to enjoy them upon my departure?It just seems so futile for the bulbs to go to the effort of sprouting just because they can’t read the giant “DEMO” marked on the wall above them.

I’m hoping the weather this weekend is kind enough to allow me a trip to the new local nursery followed by an afternoon beautifying my garden. I’m not planning to “demo” the house anytime soon so it seems appropriate.

Recently, a road I use daily on my commute to work installed a 4-way stop at an intersection fraught with problems. It’s been there now for several months and causes delays both coming in the morning and going in the evening, but I’m most frustrated by the other drivers I encounter here.

I’ve been watching closely and determined the pattern. In the evening, the traffic obeys the rules of the 4-way stop, taking turns and yielding to the vehicle to the right. On the morning commute, however, vehicles do NOT adhere to the traffic rules. There are always complete stops, but we instead yield to the left. Occasionally, I attempt to restore order by taking my rightful turn. This probably angers the vehicle to my left (though I’ve never been honked at) and I wonder if my attempts are at all fruitful. Do the remaining cars commence yielding to the right? If so, am I the reason the evening traffic is “in order”?

Today, as I came upon my turn at the stop sign, I decided not to buck the system. As I passed through on my (wrongful) turn, I was reminded of the Gandhi quote “You must be the change you wish to see in the world” and for a brief moment, regretted my decision to go with the flow. Guilt quickly passed as I realized I was running a bit behind because I took the time to vote before work. Today, I’ll settle for participating in the selection of a presidential candidate — battle with the stop sign can resume tomorrow. Too much change in one day isn’t always good.