Archive for the ‘Musings’ category

Friendly PSA

September 10, 2009

There is *no* minimum threshold to the level of friendship or relationship to another person that is required to allow one person to inform another about something stuck on a tooth or hanging from the nose. As repulsive as it may be, the viewer shouldn’t have to watch it for any length of time and the offender shouldn’t have to wonder how long they’ve been offending. Time spent tallying the number of people with whom the offender has interacted during the offending period of time could be better spent on other tasks – such as making friends who can inform them of issues like body odor or a propensity for raising annoying kids. Think of this as a public service. Tell them and move on saving everyone the awkward embarrassment.

Rain Delay

September 8, 2009

I recently spent quite a bit of time visiting airport restrooms across the country. I’m pretty sure a woman (brilliantly) came up with the concept for the auto-flush toilet. She had a man design it and, after using it for the first time, she promptly jumped up and proclaimed the need for at least a 5 second delay.

Foul Play

July 29, 2009

This summer, The Kid is enrolled in the usual summer camps during the day. The typical entertain-the-kids-all-day-until-their-parents-get-off-work kind of camps. They play games, swim, run, do arts and crafts, and a couple of weeks she does martial arts (aka Butt-Kicking Camp).

Occasionally, we get “Incident Reports” detailing some minor, stupid injury like a bump on the head, cut finger, broken foot, or near-drowning. Yesterday, we received one because The Kid was hit in the shoulder by a basketball. Apparently, it hurt. There was whining (probably tears ), an ice pack, and some time sitting out from the game. My response would have been “Suck it up kid – there’s a game in progress and you’re delaying!”

In 2 weeks she has Basketball Camp. An entire week dedicated to playing basketball. Running drills. With basketballs flying at regulation height hoops. And a range of kids ages 7-15. (She picked it – not me!) Maybe I should just photocopy the incident report from yesterday and have the counselors use it that week. It’s going to be a long week.

Dear Bill (One of My Local Real Estate Agents),

July 7, 2009

Thank you for being such a friendly and informative real estate agent who lives in my neighborhood (I know this because you tell me on every flyer you’ve frequently mailed me for the last 5+ years). I’ve received your pens, magnets, calendars, magnetic calendars, newsletters, postcards, and every other imaginable tchotchke stamped with your name, contact information, and slogan (You live here AND you work here. I get it. Move on.)

This year, you also expressed my patriotism for me by driving by my house in the middle of the night and sticking a cheap US Flag into the ground by my mailbox along with yet another pen. While I’m sure this was in no way an effort to pimp your services or remind me that you’re desperate for business, I don’t need the pen and I feel really bad about throwing the flag into my regular trash. How would you like for me to return them? I’m sure I can find a few neighbors (who also live here, yet probably work elsewhere) who would love to pepper your yard with flags and bad pens.

In other words, the Fourth of July holiday has come and gone. Please do the same with the unsolicited crap you left on my yard. Maybe save yourself some money by recollecting it to reuse the same time next year. Just a friendly suggestion since there’s no way I’m selling my house in THIS economy.

Thank you.

Mean, Green, Burning Machine

June 12, 2009

Yes – The smoke detector in the basement requires occasional recharging.

Yes – It is indeed part of the light fixture and is recharged by leaving the light on for an extended period of time.

No – There is nothing else in the house that’s charged by leaving on lights, so it’s just wasteful to leave the hall, stair, kitchen, and bedroom lights on when no one’s around.

I may have turned into “one of THOSE people” (OOTP), but this is purely a money thing (with some OCD thrown in for good measure). Anyone who disagrees can either start running in a wheel to offset the energy consumption of the house or turn off the lights when leaving the room!

Except the one in the basement. I’d like ample warning if the house is about to burn down.