Dear Bill (One of My Local Real Estate Agents),

Thank you for being such a friendly and informative real estate agent who lives in my neighborhood (I know this because you tell me on every flyer you’ve frequently mailed me for the last 5+ years). I’ve received your pens, magnets, calendars, magnetic calendars, newsletters, postcards, and every other imaginable tchotchke stamped with your name, contact information, and slogan (You live here AND you work here. I get it. Move on.)

This year, you also expressed my patriotism for me by driving by my house in the middle of the night and sticking a cheap US Flag into the ground by my mailbox along with yet another pen. While I’m sure this was in no way an effort to pimp your services or remind me that you’re desperate for business, I don’t need the pen and I feel really bad about throwing the flag into my regular trash. How would you like for me to return them? I’m sure I can find a few neighbors (who also live here, yet probably work elsewhere) who would love to pepper your yard with flags and bad pens.

In other words, the Fourth of July holiday has come and gone. Please do the same with the unsolicited crap you left on my yard. Maybe save yourself some money by recollecting it to reuse the same time next year. Just a friendly suggestion since there’s no way I’m selling my house in THIS economy.

Thank you.

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One Comment on “Dear Bill (One of My Local Real Estate Agents),”

  1. sixofclubs Says:

    Perhaps you should email him this entry. And tell him to spread the word to the hair salon near the grocery store. Clearly they saw me go in the store with no so perfect hair and thought “hmm… she looks like hell. Let’s offer a hair cut by a new to the industry person who has only cut the hair of mannequins in beauty school.” That or they were spamming the parking lot w/ fliers on cars… one of those is sure to be true.


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