Assisted Procrastination

First off, this is NOT an apology. Instead, consider it a glimpse for those of you who have not participated in my recent adventures.

1. Friday – The washer is pronounced dead.
2. Sunday – The microwave is pronounced dead.
3. Wednesday – The Son arrives during freak thunderstorms which last in excess of 4 hours , causing power and phone outages still being felt by residents in the area.
4. Thursday – The in-laws arrive after their 2 day drive halfway across the country.
5. Friday evening – Receiver for the entirety of “stuff” hooked to the TV pronounced dead. Actually, the sound coming from it forced it to be put to death like a Triple Crown candidate heading into race #3.
6. Later Friday evening/Saturday morning – The Vomitous Plague hits The Kid who hasn’t thrown up in over 4 years. Needless to say, this was a new and not so fun adventure for all beginning with her traveling from her upstairs bedroom all the way to the basement leaving a trail of destruction behind her that we have yet to return to its previous state. Strawberry shortcake and orange juice will be off my list of crave-able foods for a while.
7. Saturday Noonish- Pick up ice cream cake (1/2 sheet cake size) for The Son’s 13th birthday party.
8. Saturday Just After Noonish – Scream obscenities typically reserved for sailors and inner-city NY gang members when I realized that said ice cream cake is approximately 2 inches too wide for the deep freezer and does not fit in the inside freezer. Did I mention it was 100+ degrees out that day?
9. Saturday afternoon – Return cake to store and thank them profusely for holding it a few more hours. I went back and retrieved it yet again after grilling dinner. Did I mention it was 100+ that day? The grill made it up over 500 degrees in only a few minutes. I guess the need for a “warm-up” wasn’t really necessary.
10. “Local” family arrives and, surprisingly, dinner and dessert go off without a hitch. This was the first opportunity to use the new LONG dining table, plates, and silverware. My pride ran over when I realized that there was room for all and no one had to share seats, plates, or utensils. Could this be a turn in luck?
11. Sunday – House inhabitants total 7 (not including pets) and the washer and microwave are still out of commission.
12. Monday – In-laws leave on their return trip home.
13. Tuesday – Remaining house guest (whose purpose is supervising The Son) comes down with The Sinus Infection from Hell coupled with The Vomitous Plague.
14. Thursday – New washer is delivered! All gather to marvel at the new entertainment that is a front load washer. Whose idea was it to add slot machine sound effects to the controls on home appliances? If I have to listen to this for another 6 years, I wish them #6.
15. Friday – A “gentleman” I can only describe as Jame Gumb installed my new French Doors. To sum him up best, his speech, mannerisms, and appearance were EXACTLY that of Jame Gumb (Silence of the Lambs). The good news is that, unlike the character to whom I compare him, he is a Buddhist Christian who meditates, has a long distance relationship with a Filipino woman (whom he will meet for the first time next week), prefers installing windows because they pay more, and may possibly have another person in his head to whom he speaks periodically. He did NOT bring a dog named Precious and never asked anyone in the house to “rub the lotion on its skin” – Thank God!
16. Friday – The new microwave arrived. Can I tell you how much I’ve been craving microwave popcorn (likely due to my inability to make any for over a week)?
17. Saturday – I finally admitted that I’m sick of strawberries and now can’t wait for blueberries.

This entry was posted on June 16, 2008 at 5:14 pm and is filed under Wanderings. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.