Assisted Procrastination

I’m a choosy mom.

Trust me, I realize how innocent and adorable he looks. Don’t be fooled.

At one point this weekend, I had to leave him with the jar of peanut butter (which is his personal jar) just to attend to the couch he spent all weekend trying to explore. See, he used to be small enough to crawl under it and eventually come back out when he was good and ready. So we blocked off that half of the room. Now that he’s learned to jump the gate (he apparently power-lifts Razz while I’m gone all day leaving him with amazing upper body strength), I moved the gates in the rec room to allow them more freedom. This provides renewed access to the couch. Unfortunately, he’s significantly larger than he was in September — about 2-3 times the size. So with a head start and enough pushing, he can get under the couch, BUT he can’t get out. So began the quest to keep the brilliantly stupid, insanely stubborn, and downright neurotic ferret out from under the Couch of Doom. (I know – we’re a match made in heaven.) There were periods when I thought it might be easier just to let him get stuck under there and deal with the backlash later. It would be less litter box cleaning for me – not necessarily a bad side effect.

But alas, I have a soft side and can’t fathom explaining to The Kid why the ferret smells funny and won’t come out from under the couch. I tried everything. Discouraging him, distraction by toys, using the “Bad Ferret/Unhappy Mommy” voice (it’s mean – trust me), time out, a squirt bottle (this was entertaining, but ineffective), not-so-gently placing him elsewhere in the room far away from the couch. Instead, I took a 2×4 to him. That’s right. I went to Lowe’s and bought lumber to block off the underside of the couch. So far, it’s worked. Don’t get me wrong, other uses for the 2×4 did go through my head. Lucky for him, he can’t move a piece of wood held down by a 300 pound couch so the other solutions were unnecessary overkill.

While installing the final touches to the miracle $3.86 blockade, I marveled at the fact that everyone has an exploitable downfall. For Blue, it’s a jar of peanut butter while I thwart his plans to battle the Couch of Doom and for me, it’s now a visit to Lowe’s on SuperBowl Sunday. Usually I can’t find someone there to help me to save my soul. Today, the entire Lowe’s employee population was falling over each other to help me.

That and chocolate. What can I say?