Assisted Procrastination

There’s a not-so-fine-line between an “enhancer top” and “she’s obviously flat and thinks everyone else is too stupid to notice.” I just crossed that line.

The good news is that I’m NOT blind and I have years of experience being forced to accept the fact that puberty opted to pass me by on the one defining feminine development I so desperately wanted. While genetics may have blessed me with the inability to gain weight, unfortunately, genetics cursed me with the inability to fill out a sexy top. Or even a cute top, for that matter. (We all have our burdens to bear.)

So let’s be honest here. Most women aren’t shaped like porn stars or lingerie models. Or even the normal/healthy sized women seen in some catalogs. Compared to those images, we’re all freaks of nature. Almost as discreet as an opossum trying to hide in a litter of kittens.

While I recognize and appreciate that I’m ahead of the game in some aspects, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for some truth in advertising – specifically, Victoria’s Secret advertising. It would be great if they used models shaped like normal women or at least used models who didn’t purchase their attributes from a display case at The Cosmetic Depot. But I’m realistic and know that’s never going to happen. Instead, I think Victoria should continue to use her over-endowed, Photoshopped models to sell overpriced, cheap clothes. It’s the leading business model these days, so why not? But it would help us all (OK, it would help ME) if they could at least insert some truth into their advertising. When advertising that push-up enhancer top that adds a full 2 cup sizes, add a caption that notes the model in the picture was a 34-DD *BEFORE* she shoe-horned herself into that cute top. I know my “cups” will never “runneth over” and I’ll never be able to fill out that cute top to its fullest potential, but at least  I can gauge my chances and decide if it’s worth the effort to even try it.

For the record, it was a really cute top that would have been great to wear on an upcoming vacation. Instead, I’ll wear something appropriate while sipping a fruity beverage and playing my own version of “What Not To Wear – The Cruise Edition.” Because while we all know Victoria’s secret isn’t really a secret, in the interest of public decency, it really SHOULD be.

This entry was posted on March 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm and is filed under Musings. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.