Assisted Procrastination

Thank you for reiterating how important my call is while I wait on hold for your next available representative.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing higher than normal call volumes (might this be an indication of an issue?).

Your music is acceptable, an oddity in the hold music industry and adequately reminds me that I’m still on hold (though Sting’s “King of Pain” is coincidentally appropriate).

What has me in a frazzled ball of nerves is your periodic message reminding me that I’m on hold. This message is preempted by a sudden and unexpected pause in the music followed by a recorded message. This wouldn’t be such an issue if the breaks were at set intervals (say, once every minute). Or even just more than 30 seconds apart. I did time them for a while; several of your breaks were less than 15 seconds apart.

Instead, I wait patiently. Gently easing into the sound of the music while occupying myself with some other mundane task only to be repeatedly shocked by a break in the music, making me think I’m about to talk to a live person. The differing voices of the hold reminder/apology only served to taunt me more. I endured this torture for almost 10 minutes before finally reaching a live person (who promptly put me on hold and transferred me to another person).

Someday I’ll wind up in therapy for OCD and I’ll list you as a cause for my neurotic tendencies.